The little joy in wanting to do certain things, but...............
From eating the hot small packet of peanuts, soanpapdi and licking the orange, grape sticks from the street vendors and wanting to see if the tongue's colour has changed. I want to but i don't. Why? Is it that i feel shy now or i think its unhygienic or the feeling "what will others think of me?" Why others? My own children.Controlling me , pulling me away , saying "amma please don't be silly." Not only this,but also advising me not to pick up conversation and give my opinions just like that to a person travelling with me,or with receptionist in the clinic or to the auto drivers and so on.........
I want to get drenched in the pouring rain when everybody else is squeezing themselves in the shelter. Hey!Is it only me or do others also( sometimes at least) feel the same? Walking past a temple without stopping , then running back to join my hands for a habitual one minute prayer so that there is no guilt feeling, hearing the whispers of my children,laughing at me to say that " amma,you also forget".
Stopping to take a sneak peak of the local fights that take place and hoping that nobody catches me in the act(my husband).
But why am i hesitating? What is stopping me ? Oh yeah! I am now a mature woman with grown up children.........
Follow me every Friday.
From eating the hot small packet of peanuts, soanpapdi and licking the orange, grape sticks from the street vendors and wanting to see if the tongue's colour has changed. I want to but i don't. Why? Is it that i feel shy now or i think its unhygienic or the feeling "what will others think of me?" Why others? My own children.Controlling me , pulling me away , saying "amma please don't be silly." Not only this,but also advising me not to pick up conversation and give my opinions just like that to a person travelling with me,or with receptionist in the clinic or to the auto drivers and so on.........
I want to get drenched in the pouring rain when everybody else is squeezing themselves in the shelter. Hey!Is it only me or do others also( sometimes at least) feel the same? Walking past a temple without stopping , then running back to join my hands for a habitual one minute prayer so that there is no guilt feeling, hearing the whispers of my children,laughing at me to say that " amma,you also forget".
Stopping to take a sneak peak of the local fights that take place and hoping that nobody catches me in the act(my husband).
But why am i hesitating? What is stopping me ? Oh yeah! I am now a mature woman with grown up children.........
Follow me every Friday.
So What? .....I give a damn about what others think of me or about me. I strongly feel, no one need to bother what others think or feel. One needs to be true to their conscience. That's all. I love the spirit in you and longing and yearning . We are simple people with simple wants/likes. I think we need to dare to do things what our own children despise us from doing. They will realize this instinct much later in life. I am sure heart of heart they adore us. Be who are always. Please do not change a wee bit for the sake of pleasing others. If you really genuinely feel it is good to change then go ahead and change. I think we have lived enough to please others. Now we have reached a stage where we need to live for ourselves. What do you say?
ReplyDeleteyes usha. will start doing things which gives me happiness, will whistle you from down, join me
Deleteim sure all of us would love to those things you mentioned, but something holds us back, makes us glance over our shoulder to see if anybodyis watching. and in that moment of hesitation, the spontaneity and the joy of the moment is lost.....
ReplyDeleteAs we grow, so do our inhibitions. The spice to life comes in when the child with in us is given more space to express them selves. Keep writing, keep expressing and live it up.
ReplyDeleteCheers !
thank you siva, just trying to express in simple words, whatever comes to my mind.
DeleteVery true.sad that growing up denies us the silmple pleasures and delights that everyday throws up.let the child in us be not denied.
ReplyDelete